|Pre-op but not even at my heaviest... I have mastered the myspace angle, don't you think? :)|
I wasn't necessarily huge in school either, but I certainly thought I was. My mother, as much as I love her always made me feel insecure about my weight. I know she had the best of intentions, but you know what they say about those. At 5'0, when I gain even 5 lbs it is very noticable, and as I continued to gain, the comments kept coming.
"You would be such a knockout if you lost some weight.."
I really did not think I was attractive at all in high school...until looking back now I saw pictures of myself and realized there was nothing wrong with me. Now, however at 265 lbs, I know I would be kidding myself in saying that I am not overweight. But at least I can really value my body as it gets smaller, back down toward those sizes I thought were huge and disgusting.
In a way this isn't just a journey about losing weight and not being a fat girl physically...but it is also my journey to getting rid of that " fat girl mentality" that so many of us seem to have. It isn't easy for me to look at myself everyday and say "You're beautiful!" and there are plenty of times I don't feel it or believe it. But deep down I know it is true and even at a weight considered morbidly obese I can still consider myself a beautiful person both inside and out.
The first part of this journey for me was just that...self acceptance. And now May 11,2011 I will be undergoing surgery to have a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. I hope you will join me on this journey.
|My husband and I, March 2010 in St Augustine. Celebrating Anniversary #2. Despite my Chubbiness I LOVE this picture :)|