Thursday, March 31, 2011

Uninvited Advice

It truly amazes me how some people think that it's completely okay to put down fat people or offer their "advice". If you call that advice well then let's call my middle finger a straw because you can SUCK IT! ( not really...that's gross lol)

Since I started on this journey I will sometimes talk about it on my other private journal but do tend to keep that at a minimum over there. Especially after one asshole in particular said something horribly rude. He more or less made the assumption as many never-had-to-worry-about-weight people do and commented on an entry that "that's the most fattest way you could deal with being fat". I did not hesitate to tear him a new asshole by way of education...that's right I didn't resort to name calling.

In fact...this is some of what I wrote...

"its not that he even "hurt my feelings". It's how ignorant his statement is. If he had even stopped and looked up the surgery I am getting he would know that aside from causing me more restriction from overeating I still have to make "healthy" choices to what I put in my mouth. My ass still has to move and workout to shrink down. All this surgery does for me is gives me a better stopping point.

He assumes all fat people got that way from being fat and lazy and eating whatever. He doesn't stop and think that other health issues may be to blame, or that many of us workout a lot...and nothing happens with the scale due to health issues or what have you. He doesn't stop and think that maybe you had a hard fucking few years that pushed your weight over the edge because of a big fucking loss. (Yeah dealing with my father getting hit and killed by an SUV, (closed casket and cremation thanks to that) and subsequently having to handle his cremation and a lawsuit at 18 years of age...and failing out of college because of it tends to fuck with peoples heads)

He assumes that it never occurred to me to diet and exercise... or that about less than 10% (could be even less i forget the stats) of obese individuals ever successfully sustain weight loss through "traditional" weight loss methods.

He assumes it should be easy for me to exercise and get off my fat ass but doesnt put into account that at 26 I get horrible knee and back pain whenever I do... I actually miss being able to workout without injuring myself.

He doesn't know that I get to watch my aunt slowly and painfully die because of horrible issues related to her weight...she CANT do anything about her weight now that she has a serious heart problem and is near kidney failure and can barely walk. He doesn't know that I have had to endure taking care of her at times when she couldn't even feed herself or bath herself and had to watch her cry from embarrassment.

If he knew all that he would know that this isnt the lazy...easy...or "fat" way to deal with this. Simply put, the gastric sleeve HAS a proven track record and gives people a a fighting chance at overcoming obesity. If I had cancer and getting a tumor cut out or radiation was the only answer nobody would think bad of me for getting that treatment to get rid of cancer.

so why do they look at getting help with obesity (because lets face it kids, a lot of horrible things can happen to your body as a result...just ask my aunt) as the easy way out/as cheating.

considering a woman with a bmi of over 40 has the same chance of dying before 50 as a woman with breast cancer I would say that to me this isn't the easy way out...its the best way out.

There is a lot of things he assumes and seems ignorant to. Assuming that was what he meant...I feel sorry for him.

Anyways I waited for a response from him but after not getting one all day I put him on block. This was 2 weeks ago...TWO WEEKS! Yesterday he realizes I had blocked him and writes an entire post about me, resorting to calling me out because I had
"wrote an
increasingly tedious response to my
my valid criticisms of her terrible liestyle decisions, and then prevented me from defending myself"

and then he stated

In any worthwhile democracy you have the right to legally bar anyone who means you harm from coming within a certain distance of you. Unfortunately for our resident kodiak bear, I don't believe in democracy. I believe in kicking arse. As such, I am offering an open invitation for this ghastly beast of a woman to defend everything she stands for, or else be humiliated in front of the very community she once called home.You can't simply turn a blind eye to all constructive criticism in the hope that it will somehow become less helpful. The truth isn't always a pleasant place, take it from one who's lived there his entire life. Nevertheless, I will not stand for this sort of non-spoken slander and the very notion that I would be too cowardly or overwhelmed to respond to such nonsense is basically libel. Act wisely. I shan't give you another chance."

I chose NOT to respond to him however I suppose over the years I had been on that site I gained at least some internet friends or at the very least several people on there seriously dislike that type of trolling and abuse in the community (seeing as it was completely unprovoked to begin with). They more or less trolled him back and made comments on that entry making fun of him (to the point of changing his background to an actual troll). Suddenly Mr. Big Balls' post "calling me out" on talking smack about him dissappeared.

fatty -1
skinny asshole-0

Despite being aggravated by the unwarranted attack... I feel that thanks to the response of that community and his subsequent retreat...this was a win! His words just came off as ignorant and stupid. I know going down the path of wls I will deal with assholes like that here and there, so whatever, it is what it is! I didn't decide to get this surgery to become a nice person.

Friday, March 25, 2011

The Obesity Stigma

I am not saying that all people that have a naturally faster metabolism, or just no issues with food/never get fat think this way, but a lot of them like to assume things about those of us on the other side of the spectrum. Some of them like to believe that they are somehow superior to their fatter counterparts. And thanks to society pushing this general state of thinking it has become WIDESPREAD!

I can't keep count of how often I see forum members post about nasty comments people made in regards with them getting surgery. I myself have even received horrible comments regarding my decision to get surgery. WLS patients now have a LOT of respect from me. They have to grow thick skin. After WLS it seems a lot of people not only STILL run into rudeness from those that are smaller naturally, but from other obese individuals too. What the heck?! Those obese individuals may be operating under jealousy, or maybe they are happy the way they are and are mad we chose not to be.

But to me it seems, because we were obese at some point and then dared to get wls the "always been skinny" folks think we are not good enough for their "club".

Well I have three words for them: "Fuck your club."

Seriously if anyone wants to tell me their opinion on MY decision to get this surgery I am not going to mince words. Afterall, in the long run I am probably going to be healthier than them. I still have to watch what I eat, probably still even more so than them, I have to exercise, and I have to keep track of my lab results in order to stay healthy.

I can't place the blame for this stupid state of mind all on the "skinnies" either. It is everywhere. As I have hunted for a second job I have seen it. I see it in people's faces everytime I go to a restaurant and dare to eat anything (How dare I?!) How long have we been bitching that the barbie dolls (and now the BRATZ dolls) are too unrealistically skinny and sending the wrong message to little girls? I don't even really read magazines anymore either. Besides, how many of those models are photoshopped to perfection? That isn't really how they all look.

With regards to tv shows, I don't have cable but thanks to Netflix I get to see a lot of stuff (albeit not the current seasons, but still). In Ugly Betty there was an episode where they accidentally published the unphotoshopped pictures of an actress that had gained a few pounds and the whole office was FREAKING OUT! I like the fact that the actress came out with saying she was happy they published those in the end of the episode...but really people?

The show Drop Dead Diva's whole premise is a skinny, blonde, and pretty aspiring actress dies, manages to come back to life only to be put into an overweight brunette lawyers body (which by the way I think that actress is gorgeous...I wanted to shoot myself hearing all the freaking out about having to wear Lane Bryant suits). Part of me wants to like the show but it annoys me how they make her this stereotypical "fat girl" that loves donuts and uses cheese whiz to calm herself down (seriously). She is suddenly smarter because she retained the girl's knowledge when she took over her body, and she does become a less shallow person but why does that have to be because she is now a "fatty"?

Unsurprisingly Nip/Tuck also jumped on the fat bashing bandwagon too. In one of the earlier seasons (maybe season 3) Liz makes a comment about how if the patient had put down the chips and worked out they wouldn't need the plastic surgery they were getting. I didn't feel bad when a couple episodes later Liz's kidney was stolen by beautiful woman that seduced and then drugged her. Karma? Maybe. Liz herself is not a skinny character. Then she herself gets work done and her girlfriend (played by Alanis Morrisette) at the time tells them they need to be more aggressive as she has a lot of work she needs done. Personally I laughed as Liz's character had totally been judging others for the work they chose to get done, then she herself did exactly what they did.

In the first season in LA Sean hooks up with an actress only to find out she is a post-op bypass patient and has lots of skin left over. He offers to do work on her to get rid of it but then looses interest in her after having to remove her extra skin. Add in some jokes from Christian and I could barely make it through the episode without turning it off in disgust. The next episode the poor girl (in desperation to stay thin as she deals with emotional eating issues and self esteem issues) had taken laxatives and subsequently accidentally shits in her hot tub while Sean is in there with her.

Really, guys? Glad it was humorous for you but there are real people that deal with the issues and pressures that society and media places on them. Real people that abuse laxatives to loose weight or trade weight loss for extra skin so that they can be healthy.

So I know this turned into a bit of rant. But seriously I am tired of being the likable fat girl that just ignores stupidity like this. If there is one thing I want to get out of this journey it is the strength and the ability to change the mainstream view of obesity because it is bullshit. WLS obviously has benefited a LOT of people and helped them overcome obesity and get healthy. Why should they be hated on because of their choice to do something? Why should people be looked at like they are stupid and lazy because they are obese? Do you know what they go through in their life? NO!

While you are pondering all this here are some great links that you should check out.

The Obesity Action Coalition The OAC was formed to bring together individuals who are facing the often life-long struggle with obesity. Whether you are beginning to address your weight issues, you have been fighting the battle for a long-time, or you have 30 pounds or 300 pounds to lose, you are not alone in this journey.

Also this movie FatHead.

About the Film

Have you seen the news stories about the obesity epidemic? Did you see Super Size Me? Then guess what? … You’ve been fed a load of bologna.

Comedian (and former health writer) Tom Naughton replies to the blame-McDonald’s crowd by losing weight on a fat-laden fast-food diet while demonstrating that nearly everything we’ve been told about obesity and healthy eating is wrong. Along with some delicious parody of Super Size Me, Naughton serves up plenty of no-bologna facts that will stun most viewers, such as: The obesity “epidemic” has been wildly exaggerated by the CDC. People the government classifies as “overweight” have longer lifespans than people classified as “normal weight.” Having low cholesterol is unhealthy. Lowfat diets can lead to depression and type II diabetes. Saturated fat doesn’t cause heart disease — but sugars, starches and processed vegetable oils do.


This article has also come to my attention....

Is America’s Anti-Obesity Message Now Affecting Other Cultures?

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


Nope this isn't a product review... I just like saying "awesomesauce"sometimes. Compared to the last entry I am feeling much better. Despite some things that are still irritating me I am suffering from a sunny disposition at the moment so I will just go with it!

It is looking like the amount of hours I will get in before this pay-period ends for my work at home job should get me to the amount I need for Mexico. So whatever we save these next two weeks can be money for our Seattle trip (I am estimating at least 500 between the three of us...not too bad) ! YAY! I feel less stressed knowing we can go on vacation and not have to freak about money. I feel less stressed period when I feel like money issues are in order. (yay for finally learning to keep track of my spending!) We could probably afford to even do some fun touristy things!

I am looking forward to Seattle and despite wishing I could have been smaller than I am now before going, I am going to enjoy this trip! I have always wanted to go and I am finally going. I said one day I would make it to the west coast of the USA and by golly I am! Last year was such a rough year...a really rough year. I refuse to let this year be follow suit, so I have grabbed 2011 by the balls and told it that it will be mine! 2010 had its way with me but I'll be damned if 2011 does the same!

In January I said I wanted to finally go for weight loss surgery to get this weight off once and for all and in approximately 47 days I will. I wanted to get a second job working from home and I did. I'm freaking pumped, I feel like this year I am coming into the true me, once and for all. I am finally learning to love me for who I am, and realizing I don't need to be what everyone else wants me to be.

I know things won't always go this great but while they are I will learn to enjoy them rather than worrying about everything that could go wrong. I have always been a worrier and it has never got me anywhere good. Things always happen for a reason and while one thing may not be good, eventually some good will come out of it. I have experienced this many times to feel justified in saying so. Most recently I had been complaining about the account I got put on at my day job and how I wish I would have just been allowed to go to this other account I had really liked. That account found out yesterday they have until May, as that client is going offshore for customer service. About 100 people from that account will not have a job. I now feel lucky that I didn't get put on there. Maybe it was luck, but regardless I still have my job and I am thankful for it now... no more complaining lol.

One of the biggest things that made me feel this way was my father's death. Losing my dad in my first semester of college sucked. I had thought I had everything planned out. I was 18 and an adult afterall! I had been accepted into a private nursing school and was supposed to start the RN program the following semester. I just had to pass my prerequisites (A&P I and Chemistry).
My father died in a car accident right in the middle of the semester. I failed both classes and lost my place in the RN program. I was told I wouldnt be able to get back in for at least another year even though I only needed to pass 2 classes to meet their requirements for the program. They didn't care what had happened.

I left that school, started community college, dropped out for a bit and just started working full time. Met a girl, became really good friends (though now we definitely are not) and she got me a job at the place I currently work. 6 months later I meet Robert. approximately 2 years later we get married. I love my husband so much and as we are about to celebrate our 3 year wedding anniversary (and 5 years together!) I can't help but look back and think, despite the pain I went through and how much I miss my father, if I hadn't gone through what I did, I would never have detoured from my intended path and probably never met Robert.

This is one of my favorite quotes... I need to remember it when I start to stress again:

  • Whoever comes are the right people.
  • Whatever happens is the only thing that could have.
  • Whenever it starts is the right time.
  • Whenever it's over, it's over.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Emotions and Relationships

All this waiting is making me crazy. At the very least I wish the next two weeks would zoom by so I can be in Seattle and have some sort of a break from the norm.

I will be honest, lately I have felt somewhat down. Starting my work-from-home part-time job has cheered me up a little, as I am enjoying the work (and the money I have earned thus far). But overall I feel a bit down. It is hard for me to pinpoint exactly what is causing that because I feel like it's a mixture of many small things, most of which I have no control of or no way of knowing how things will play out.

Will surgery go okay?
Will I reach my goals?
How will all this effect my relationships with my husband and all my loved ones?
Am I selfish for spending all this money on surgery for me? There is other things that we need to have money for, like that new AC unit so we don't melt away this summer...

Just some thoughts that have been bouncing around my head. Given my surgeon's track record I think I can realistically say that I have a good feeling my surgery will be is just anxiety driving me nuts as usual.

Will I reach my goals? Not sure, but man do I hope so. Maybe I will look too small at 120, maybe I will look good slightly the very least I want to get to the point where I feel like my body is in much healthier condition that it is now.

Relationships? That can be a tricky one. My husband and I have a good relationship...except for the fact that I feel completely unattractive. I get scared I am becoming this wife that will just keep growing and letting herself grow until she is bed-ridden and the only thing that fits her is large moo moo's. I get scared that maybe he sees that in his future when he looks at me. He tells me he still thinks I am very attractive and that I am beautiful but I still just have way too much difficulty believing him. When I look in the mirror, I honestly just feel disgusted.

As a result of how I have felt about myself I think too that I lost a lot of my old personality. I feel like I am grumpier, bitchier, and just way less fun than I used to be. I miss being fun. Admittedly I feel this change in me has hurt our relationship. I think after surgery things will get better between us because of mood changes. As I feel and look better I know my mood will improve. It has before when I lost and it has worsened as I have grown. I know it's a factor.

As far as relationships with others, I am not sure how they will go. Friends can be funny sometimes and while they tell you they are happy that you are getting healthier sometimes they act on the contrary. I suppose we will see.

Regarding spending money on the surgery and feeling guilty about it? I still dont know how to deal with it. I really do feel selfish even if my husband tells me he wants me to get this because he wants me to be able to lose weight so that I will feel better about myself. But still... part of me just really wishes I could have been one of those lucky few that got it off and kept it off without surgery. I suppose most of us WLS people tend to have those feelings of regret at times.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

2nd Job Update

My last entry was brief, but yes I found a second job. It is somewhat unconventional but better than selling Mary Kay (not that I have anything against that, just don't have the start up money or the time for it with my surgery nearing).

I did have to pay a little out of pocket, but through research I ensured that the company was legit before spending. Initially I only paid for the background and credit check, then once approved I paid for the rest of it. Also thanks to a free Amazon Prime free trial I got free 2 day shipping on my equipment I needed. Still need to purchase printer ink (only buying black!), but that can wait til payday.

So aside from time spent training, my overall investment was

50-background & Credit check
39-phone jack install (Not due til next month!)
10- 50' Cat6 Ethernet cord
63- Plantronics corded phone & headset
$162- Grand total (plus the added monthly 27 for phone service)

Not to shabby... Once I get my phone service hooked up on Saturday (hopefully the guy comes early) I should be able to start taking calls a few hours later. I will keep you all posted on how it goes. Wish me luck!

I have to say I have fantasized about being able to work from home for a long time. Maybe eventually this could become a full time gig. At the very least it will be nice to be able to bring extra income into the house.

Monday, March 14, 2011

She works hard for the money!

Short post since I am blogging from my phone, but I have been offered a virtual call center position! If things work out how I think they will with this company,  it will be a great second job for my situation! I am very excited. Been working on their certification process all night!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

A Couple More Vlogs

For your viewing pleasure here is a couple vlogs I made. The first I talked about how I became obese, the second I talk about the emotional issues Ive dealt with and way I have been treated due to being obese.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Food Funerals and Job Update

I got an awesome response from people on ObesityHelp regarding my first vlog! I think I shall definitely have to keep that up. I have a good idea for one that I may possibly do tomorrow.

In other news, cross your fingers for me... I may be starting soon as a work at home phone agent with LiveOps. I have heard both good and bad about them and don't expect to be making tons and tons overnight, but if things work out with them this may be the best 2nd job for my situation (going out of town in in April and then May again...recovery time etc). The pay by the minute so I only get paid when I am actually on the phone. Still no news back from the other places I interviewed at... damn you economy....straighten yourself up!

Seeing as I am having to cut out lots more than soda and cigarettes, Madi and I decided I should have propering mourning of my favorites. I know...I KNOW...not exactly healthy. Well just so you know I am not going on a week long food bender... about once a week we have indulged in one of the favorites that I will have to say good bye least for now. Maybe one day I can enjoy them again...but in much better moderation. We have dubbed these occasions Food Funerals.... The rest of the week I have been mostly behaving, doing my best. In fact I started supplementing breakfast and lunch with protein shakes (also a way to test some out etc before surgery).

Right now we are having a beer funeral... DOS EQUIS! Yep.....buh-bye alcohol. I had some leftover in the fridge so we are getting rid of it and not getting anymore.

Tomorrow is Moe's food funeral.... goodbye home-wrecker burrito!

Yesterday we took my niece to go pick strawberries and it totally killed my back to bend over and pick them (she is only three so... I did most the work for her lol). I kept thinking about surgery. Maybe next year this won't be such a taxing task to perform. I'm going to go...finish off this beer with Madi (don't worry I am not getting fact I don't even feel tipsy... I think we may just have to throw out the rest of these lol).

See ya'll later!

Friday, March 11, 2011

2 Months to Go and My first Vlog!

Today marks 60 to go... 2 more months to the day!
To commemorate this occasion I started doing vlogs. I had been debating doing them... putting myself out there for all to view. Anyways, without further is my first.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

WLS Poetry & Journaling

So I am an avid journal keeper. I don't always update them regularly but its nice to be able to look back at old feelings and old thoughts and compare them to your current place. More often then not I am pleased that I have progressed in some way. My journal from 17 certainly was more angsty than my journal entries now. My journal entries prior to my wedding were full of dreams and rainbows and all that beautiful shit! Are they still now? Not really...they are a balance of real down to earth stuff going on and lofty goals and dreams.

I have had several online blogs, livejournals, etc you name it. I have since only continued on certain ones. One I have had on a private network that is not very well known for over 6 years now and that one is my catch all personal one. I write about whatever the heck I want. Another is geared towards my novel-writing endeavors. Will I be published one day? Maybe...
Then there is this one... about my journey into weight loss surgery and everything related to it.

I also started keeping an actual notebook. I got two on clearance at Borders (I love their selection of journals and am sad they are going out of business!). One I am going to use to track measurements and weight and other random record type well as my general experience in Mexico. I decided to use the other one to write poems related to my weight loss journey and all the other crap that comes along with it (mental, social, emotional issues etc).

I love writing poems as well... and now and then seem to find some really deep albiet usually dark words. I shared this one on the OH forum and it got a really awesome response from some people so I thought I would go ahead and share it here. I wrote it when I was thinking about how important it is to learn to truly love yourself...regardless of where you are on the journey to weight loss. If you don't you may always be unhappy with yourself, even when you reach goal. Or whats worse you think getting to goal is going to fix everything, but then you reach goal...and you have extra skin... you are in no shape to slap on a bikini or pose for playboy. Are you any happier then? You might have been if you chose to start loving yourself. I think I have come to peace with the reality that I will have some bit of loose skin. It scares me a little but I will be smaller and healthier and able to move around more without hurting or being out of breath. I know I am a beautiful girl...I just don't always feel it and I find it hard to believe at times. So I wrote about those feelings.


I look in the mirror, what do I see?
That bloated sack of skin cannot be me!
Her curves are all wrong, her flab is grotesque.
She's disgusting, a pig, doomed to be an outcast.

I'm over, I'm done, I'll be rid of her soon.
They'll cut and staple me, and then I'll be sewn.
In a year's time, as she melts away
I'll be free, I'll be happy, no more disarray.
Sexy and fit, and admired by all,
That fat chick will be gone, nobobdy will recall.

It's been a couple years now, so imagine my surprise,
when I look in the mirror and see those familiar eyes.
So full of hatred for the girl that she sees,
That fat chick in the mirror, she couldn't be me?!
Though I'd lost lots of weight, and shrunk myself in half,
that fat girl stared back with a smirk and a laugh.

As my ribs jut out and my spine pokes through,
there she still stands, obscuring my view.
She points and she laughs at my every imperfection.
She scolds me for not loving my original reflection.
Her grin only grows as I cry and I plead,
You should have loved me, now you'll never be freed,
when you look in the mirror, I'm all that you'll see!

Saturday, March 5, 2011

My Coke Addiction

Ha! Before you think I mean something else I am talking about Coca-Cola...specifically Coca-Cola Cherry Zero. I absolutely love this soda. I was so happy when this flavor came out and it has been a staple in the house. I still drink lots of water during the day, however I usually would have 1-2 cans of this stuff each day.

As much as I love it, I am slowly saying goodbye. I can't just rip it off like a band-aid, though strangely that worked for smoking. (I wasn't nearly as addicted to smoking ). It kind of scares me that I didn't realized I was addicted to soda until I have tried cutting it out.

But alas, I am not just changing the shape of my stomach with this surgery, I am making a huge lifestyle change and soda does not belong in this new world. And unlike cigarettes it is much harder t avoid soda. It's everywhere. At every restaurant, at the gas station, at work in the vending machines, at every party. People as a whole are addicted to sodas if you really think about it. I don't care what you say either, this stuff IS addicting!

Now there is more and more stuff being brought to light regarding soda being well as bad for your health. Increased risk of stroke and/or heart attack? Leaching Calcium from you? Regardless of if these are definite risks of drinking any soda It is just another reason to give it up.

Now as much as I love drinking water a lot of the time...I cannot do it all the time. Things get too bland. When I feel like I need some cleansing I drink water. It has amazing benefits to so much of your helps the kidneys to work, helps your skin, helps everything. But it gets boring. So I have armed myself for those times when I feel bored. In addition to the Crystal light single packets I keep in my purse and in my cabinet I have loaded up on tea!

Madi and I went out this weekend and bought a ton of tea at The Spice and Tea Exchange. Both of us are huge tea lovers, and I previously only had a few flavors of tea. I love to shop at The Spice and Tea Exchange because the tea is loose (unbagged) and you use a just makes me feel like a fancy bitch basically! :) Here is our loot (along with my other teas ).

Madi Loves black tea, and I am more into green & herbal teas (but I make exceptions for sweeter black teas) . Here is what we bought.

Bombay Chai (Madi's pick)

Incredibly aromatic blend reminiscent of an Indian street market. Black tea leaves blended w/cinnamon, cardamom, orange, pepper, and cloves. Steep with water & milk for a unique flavor. Higher caffeine content.

Earl Gray (Madi's pick)

Classic English Tea. Gold tips of organic Black Tea leaves are blended with the citrus nuance of Bergamot, for a smooth and rich cup. Higher caffeine...

Orange Dulce (Madi's pick)

Ceylon and China Black teas are blended with orange slices, jasmine blossoms, and other fruits to make this rich and refreshing tea. Higher caffeine..

Coconut Oolong (my pick)

This special grade of green tea is produced in the high-elevation tea gardens of Hubei, China. A smooth & mellow cup, with a sweet aroma and the slight flavor of toasted chestnuts. Moderate Caffeine.
Almond Cookie (my pick)

Warm & toasty cinnamon and almond mixed with fine black tea make for an incredible dessert tea. Perfect to curl up with on those chilly evenings.

Marrakesh Mint (my pick)

*this one I went with because of lots of people suggesting minty teas after surgery to help with nausea*

Very refreshing tea made of China green & gunpowder tea leaves mixed with mountain peppermint. Also great as an iced tea. Moderate Caffeine.

I have gotten to try all the ones I bought and like them a lot! My favorite being the Marrakesh and the Almond Cookie tea (I had previously bought the latter though so I knew I loved that one!) Others that I have from them and still love:

Mango Green

Flavorful green tea leaves mixed with Calendula flowers & natural Mango make for a nice fruity blend. This is a naturally decaffeinated green tea. No caffeine.

Mystic Dragon

A blend of fine Japanese Sencha and Chinese Dragonwell tea is combined with wild strawberry and rhubarb, to create a very fragrant and luxurious tea. This refreshing combination is also great as an iced tea. Try using this tea in the fruit infuser teapot with oranges----beautiful and refreshing! Moderate Caffeine.

Since the diffusers I bought don't have any sort of wait to keep them from falling in, I made some lil charms to weigh them down while you steep the tea. By the way I am pretty sure I can't do the honey after surgery but damn is it good right now with tea... nonetheless I have a ton of Splenda on hand for when the time comes.

It is adding small things like the little charms that will not only help me with steeping my tea but make those cups of tea I drink a bit more special.... and more luxurious than popping open a can of soda!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

My Reasons

To me it seems like there isn't just one thing that drives someone to take such a drastic step toward weight loss surgery....for most people it is something that built up slowly over time until that last thing finally made them snap...made them say I cannot keep going this way. Like other people I always thought that weight loss surgery was "the easy way out"... when I was on Medifast I thought I had finally figured it all out, afterall I lost over 60 lbs! I had been on cloud 9!

But then the weight came creeping back, and then more issues came with it...and I finally snapped. But this has been a long time I thought I would share all those fun little memories of why I finally made this decision, starting from the oldest, to the more recent.

-No longer fitting into size 10s (probably was about 16 then)
-No longer fitting into size 12's (still 16)
-no longer fitting into size 14's (17)
-No longer fitting into size 16's (18...after my dad died)
-those keep going....
-Seeing 200+ on the scale
-Seeing it again after getting nearly 40 below it
-Being asked when my baby was due
-Not being asked but able to tell that an old friend was wondering if I was pregnant after they ran into me a target
-Avoiding the beach like the plague...even though I love the beach :(
-Hearing my mother and aunt fight about the fact that I'd gained 20 lbs since buying my wedding dress and whether or not it would fit me... (it did btw seeing as it was corset back...they really could have kept their mouths shut)
-Realizing I dont really have a neck again...
-Always feeling short of breath lately...just after walking a short distance
-Having someone ask me about my younger sister when they see pics of me after I had lost weight on Medifast (and subsequently NOT believing those are actually pics of me)
-A coworker asking why I let myself go so far...
-Seeing old pics of me when I thought I was "Huge" and realizing I wasn't and didn't appreciate myself then...and now I am actually as big as I felt when I was those sizes.
-Running into people I havent seen in a while and them seeing how big I have gotten...
-My in laws seeing me getting bigger and bigger with each visit yet still ALWAYS on a diet.
-realizing that I look much older at a heavier weight...
-Getting knee, leg, back pain...etc
-getting rashes under my boobs, tummy, and around my upper thighs...(yeah gross...but we know this happens) :(
-Not fitting into any nice clothes anymore...owning 2 closets worth of clothing that I cannot wear.
-Seeing the scale finally tip past 250 and realizing I am closer to hitting 300 than I am at going back to 200.
-Being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.
-Hearing my husband tell me he is scared I won't be around because I will get sick and die young...

So on days when I second guess my decision...I think about all this...and you know what? I KNOW I am making the right choice...because I don't want to have to add another reason any more.