Thursday, March 31, 2011

Uninvited Advice

It truly amazes me how some people think that it's completely okay to put down fat people or offer their "advice". If you call that advice well then let's call my middle finger a straw because you can SUCK IT! ( not really...that's gross lol)

Since I started on this journey I will sometimes talk about it on my other private journal but do tend to keep that at a minimum over there. Especially after one asshole in particular said something horribly rude. He more or less made the assumption as many never-had-to-worry-about-weight people do and commented on an entry that "that's the most fattest way you could deal with being fat". I did not hesitate to tear him a new asshole by way of education...that's right I didn't resort to name calling.

In fact...this is some of what I wrote...

"its not that he even "hurt my feelings". It's how ignorant his statement is. If he had even stopped and looked up the surgery I am getting he would know that aside from causing me more restriction from overeating I still have to make "healthy" choices to what I put in my mouth. My ass still has to move and workout to shrink down. All this surgery does for me is gives me a better stopping point.

He assumes all fat people got that way from being fat and lazy and eating whatever. He doesn't stop and think that other health issues may be to blame, or that many of us workout a lot...and nothing happens with the scale due to health issues or what have you. He doesn't stop and think that maybe you had a hard fucking few years that pushed your weight over the edge because of a big fucking loss. (Yeah dealing with my father getting hit and killed by an SUV, (closed casket and cremation thanks to that) and subsequently having to handle his cremation and a lawsuit at 18 years of age...and failing out of college because of it tends to fuck with peoples heads)

He assumes that it never occurred to me to diet and exercise... or that about less than 10% (could be even less i forget the stats) of obese individuals ever successfully sustain weight loss through "traditional" weight loss methods.

He assumes it should be easy for me to exercise and get off my fat ass but doesnt put into account that at 26 I get horrible knee and back pain whenever I do... I actually miss being able to workout without injuring myself.

He doesn't know that I get to watch my aunt slowly and painfully die because of horrible issues related to her weight...she CANT do anything about her weight now that she has a serious heart problem and is near kidney failure and can barely walk. He doesn't know that I have had to endure taking care of her at times when she couldn't even feed herself or bath herself and had to watch her cry from embarrassment.

If he knew all that he would know that this isnt the lazy...easy...or "fat" way to deal with this. Simply put, the gastric sleeve HAS a proven track record and gives people a a fighting chance at overcoming obesity. If I had cancer and getting a tumor cut out or radiation was the only answer nobody would think bad of me for getting that treatment to get rid of cancer.

so why do they look at getting help with obesity (because lets face it kids, a lot of horrible things can happen to your body as a result...just ask my aunt) as the easy way out/as cheating.

considering a woman with a bmi of over 40 has the same chance of dying before 50 as a woman with breast cancer I would say that to me this isn't the easy way out...its the best way out.

There is a lot of things he assumes and seems ignorant to. Assuming that was what he meant...I feel sorry for him.

Anyways I waited for a response from him but after not getting one all day I put him on block. This was 2 weeks ago...TWO WEEKS! Yesterday he realizes I had blocked him and writes an entire post about me, resorting to calling me out because I had
"wrote an
increasingly tedious response to my
my valid criticisms of her terrible liestyle decisions, and then prevented me from defending myself"

and then he stated

In any worthwhile democracy you have the right to legally bar anyone who means you harm from coming within a certain distance of you. Unfortunately for our resident kodiak bear, I don't believe in democracy. I believe in kicking arse. As such, I am offering an open invitation for this ghastly beast of a woman to defend everything she stands for, or else be humiliated in front of the very community she once called home.You can't simply turn a blind eye to all constructive criticism in the hope that it will somehow become less helpful. The truth isn't always a pleasant place, take it from one who's lived there his entire life. Nevertheless, I will not stand for this sort of non-spoken slander and the very notion that I would be too cowardly or overwhelmed to respond to such nonsense is basically libel. Act wisely. I shan't give you another chance."

I chose NOT to respond to him however I suppose over the years I had been on that site I gained at least some internet friends or at the very least several people on there seriously dislike that type of trolling and abuse in the community (seeing as it was completely unprovoked to begin with). They more or less trolled him back and made comments on that entry making fun of him (to the point of changing his background to an actual troll). Suddenly Mr. Big Balls' post "calling me out" on talking smack about him dissappeared.

fatty -1
skinny asshole-0

Despite being aggravated by the unwarranted attack... I feel that thanks to the response of that community and his subsequent retreat...this was a win! His words just came off as ignorant and stupid. I know going down the path of wls I will deal with assholes like that here and there, so whatever, it is what it is! I didn't decide to get this surgery to become a nice person.


FreeJulie said...

OMG. I'm sorry. :( What a stressful exchange that was, I could feel my body react just reading it. I can imagine how you felt.

And I'm sorry about your dad, too. So heartbreaking.

Sheila said...

Troll. Such a perfect word for people like this. I'm so glad you didn't respond. It is not my job to educated the idiots of this world and I refuse waste time, energy and effort on a lost cause.

Also sorry to hear about your Dad, that sounds like a horrible experience.

Jenn said...

Julie & Sheila, Thanks for your comments! It was just funny (well not funny but seeing as he was made an ass out of it kinda was) how I was posting about that and then he did that.

Also about my dad *hugs* thats so sweet of you guys. It's been nearly 8 years now (hard to believe it though) and while it was definitely difficult to go through back then I feel like it made me a lot stronger and able to deal with stupid stuff like this... I don't sweat stupid people like this anymnore.

Sheila said...

Awwww! *Hugs* back to you! So glad you stood your ground on this.

And I totally made a typo on my sentance about educating the idiots of the world. Aaaah, too bad blogger comments don't go through spell check. Ha!