Evil Scales

My scale comes out of hiding, tonight while I sleep. Tomorrow morning is the showdown. 3 weeks post op and I have no idea what to expect from that vile creature.

I can tell you I have been following my post op plan! I have determination and I refuse to waiver. Ive started working out. In fact I have been working out everyday for the last week.

Yet still the fear of getting on my scale tomorrow is there. I think we get used to seeing the number go up and up and up and feeling helpless as we watch it do so, that when we do actually start losing weight, we expect at some point the scale to start going back up, even if we are doing everything we are supposed to make it go down.

So I guess we will see what happens tomorrow. All I can do is hope for a little bit of a loss. I'd love to say I am in the 230's tomorrow but I have a feeling that may be wishful thinking. The last few days I have just felt fat. I know I have lost and I know some things are fitting looser but I guess I don't feel smaller.

Impending Doom

I feel like today is an I feel fat day. Not sure why. Heck the nightgown I am wearing is a lot bigger than it used to be on me, yet I feel that way. I guess I am scared as Wednesday approaches. I know the numbers on the scale don't mean everything, but it would be nice if they moved. I am so close to cracking into the 230's that its ridiculous.

This weekend has been going well. Aside from having a bit too many carbs yesterday I have been doing better on soft foods as far as getting in a decent amount of protein. Still needing to work on my water intake but I really am trying my hardest on that.

I worked out both Saturday (EA Active 2.0) and Sunday (swimming with the family, but did a few laps too). I plan on probably swimming today as well. I don't think I am going to push myself though, I just want to chill out today.

I am a bit stressed about this coming week as it is, aside from not seeing the numbers on the scale decrease. I start training from home for my second job on Wednesday night. I soundproofed my office as best I could from my dog's barks, so hopefully she isn't any issue. Training is 4pm- 12 AM.

So basically for the next month, while I am training, my weeks are going to be:

Monday-Friday

1st job

7am-3pm

2nd job

4pm-midnight

Weekends:

Collapse from exhaustion.

Luckily pretty much all my food right now is very easy and quick to make so I guess that's good. Robert and Madi know at least for this month they are going to have to worry about their dinner and help me as much as they can around the house because I will be quite busy.

After training in June, then I have Tuesdays and Wednesdays off, BUT I will have to work weekend nights most likely. My availability to them is Thursday-Monday and they will schedule me between 20-35 hours (I am hoping only 20, but hey if they make me work more then its that faster that we can pay off things).

Madi is still looking for a job (hopefully she will have an interview this coming week), but once she finds something we will be able to get our AC fixed and then work on paying off stuff.

Aside from my weight loss goals, I want to work over the next year or so at cutting down our financial obligations, so after we fix our AC the plan is:

• Pay off surgery
• Pay off credit cards (Really don't have much cc debt woohoo)
• Pay off car
• Work on paying down student loans.
• Save Incaseshit money (In case shit happens).

I may be working my ass off this coming year (in more ways than one) but I think long term it will be worth it. Sometimes I do doubt myself. I doubt that I can do this, just like I doubt sometimes that I will reach my goals....but I am just going to push on ahead and hopefully I will get where I want to be and the hard work will pay off.

Also: To my followers on here! I see a couple more on here! Thanks! If I am not following your blog already, comment in the comment section with your blog link so I can follow you :) I love reading fellow wls people's blogs a lot, and many times you guys inspire me.

My First Post-Op Bento

This bad boy is going to take me all day to eat I think. With the eggs, tuna and mayo added in, there is about 3 servings of tuna salad in there (update...yea no its at least 4 servings lol). and then the 2 babybels are snacks...BUT I will be at work for a good 10 hours today so this should be fine. Honestly it looks like way more because of the container, but I measured it out. I had a little forkful (on my tiny fork) and it seemed to go down and was tolerated very well.

For dinner (if I have room lol) is ricotta with some pizza sauce and a pinch of stredded parmesan.

Moving Moving Moving...

I am feeling less blah today than I have in the past few days. I think it helps that I am moving to soft foods as of tomorrow, but whatever, I am not a grumpy B like I have been the past few days.

Today my coworker and I found another route to walk that has a bit more shade and is just more of a scenic walk. This is day 3 now that we have gone for a walk around lunch time.

I have been tracking us with My Tracks on my Android phone since I love being able to see stats.

Here they are for the day.

• Total Distance: 1.54 km (1.0 mi)
• Total Time: 20:36
• Moving Time: 19:38
• Average Speed: 4.49 km/h (2.8 mi/h)

Not too bad for a start. Back and forth is 1 complete mile, so maybe soon we can get it to 2 miles during lunch.

Either way, right now I don't feel so bad if I don't get another walk in at home. I think for just over 2 weeks post op I am doing fine. Not pushing myself, but still breaking a bit of a sweat.

I wanted to weigh myself so bad this morning when I woke up... but alas the scale has been hidden at my request, so until next Wednesday. I can, however, measure myself when I get home. I have been meaning to. I think I am just afraid I haven't lost that many inches lol. I also need to do a video update. I just don't know what to say I guess.

That's all for now.

Stalled

So I think I can call it official. My weight has been stuck at 244-243.8 for the last 5 days. I am not going to bitch and gripe though even if I am a bit grumpy about it. I had Madi hide the scale while I am still at work so I don't obsess over it during the next week. According to the forums it may not even budge for the next week. Today is 2 weeks since surgery and apparently stalling after about 10 days is not uncommon so I guess I will just suck it up.

Here is what my daily intake consists of at the moment:

• 2 bottles of Isopure @ 1 carb, 170 Calories, 40 grams protein
• At least 44 oz but trying to push it to 64 or higher (my goal is 88oz)
• 1 cup of soup at night (last night was a cup of Chicken, broccoli cheese and potato)
• 1 SF chocolate pudding.

TOTALS:

• 590 calories
• 14 grams of fat
• 30 grams of carbs
• 87 grams of protein.

Also taking 1 Centrum Silver chewable multivitamin, 500 mcg b12 sublingual and 20 mg prilosec 2 x a day. I know I need to get in my calcium pill but it isn't chewable and I am afraid to start taking it because even though the container says petites, they look HUGE.

Yesterday I walked about .75 miles.
Today I have already walked 1 mile.


Thats all for now

Nightmares & Cupcakes

I haven't been sleeping well.

I swear since this weekend I have had one strange and unsettling dream after the other. Last night's took the cake...literally.

I had a dream that Robert, Madi and Me were going out to eat and people kept trying to give me cupcakes. A few times I almost gave in and ate one but then Robert would take it away and give it to Madi. I would get upset but then I realized "oh yea, I had surgery! I can't have that!"

LOL

Yes, evil cupcakes. Not much else to report. Doing my best to deal with stress and emotions in more healthy ways. I downloaded an app on my phone (android) called My Tracks. It uses google maps to track my walking, including distance, speed, and elevation. Madi helped me find my workout sneakers, so I am excited to go for a walk today and track my progress. Afterwards I think I will spend some time either working on my first draft of my book I am writing, or work on my drawing. Thinking positive, positive, positive.

Downer Day

Blah.


That's how I feel today. Slightly moody. Maybe like everyone says its just hormones being released from the fat they were previously trapped in. Also I am back in the office today and while I am happy to see most people here I just feel annoyed by others. No negative surgery comments however which is nice.

I wish I could go back home though. I guess since I can't eat away these feelings any longer I am going to try and take a relaxing walk tonight once the sun goes down so it isn't too hot out. The heat really makes my incisions itchy and irritated.

I have other stuff on my mind too, like a horrible stupid dream I had the other night that just kind of messed with me a little too much and hit close to home. Also I didn't mention (because I was in a good mood and didn't want to talk about it) but on saturday I got into a minor car accident. Thank Goodness I didnt get ticketed...the cop must have been in a good mood. And the people are willing to work with me instead of going through insurance (my car got wayyyyy more damage anyways -_- ). But nonetheless still sucks. I guess I am off my island of solitude and the real world is hitting full force and I just don't want to deal with it right now.

Anyways..things will work out...they always do. At the very least I keep telling myself that and things really do seem to have a way of working out if I put in a little effort. I got my credit check back and everything looks good for me to start the second job...so there is that...

but now comes the next hurdle. Getting Robert's car fixed and making sure there is a way for me to keep lainey from barking while I am working. My uncle gave me some ideas to sound proof my home office for less and I will probably invest in a better noise canceling headset. But it all takes money.

That's all for now. Just breathing, making myself drink my protein and water, and reminding myself that what I am going through is probably a normal part of this process. I did my make up today and painted my nails last night, so trying to tell myself today that I look very pretty. People at work have been saying they can already see a big difference. For me looking in the mirror I may as well be in a fun house because some days I see it and some days I really don't.

BIO SHAKER

I forgot to share something super memorable from my trip to Tijuana. This commercial came on a lot in our hotel room and I found it highly amusing... just wait for the smiley push up guy, you will understand.

Rapture Day & Family Time

So I am still here... I suppose I am a heathen hehe. Sorry I just had to.

I did happen to see a shirt in the parking lot of 7-11 and amused myself with the thought that maybe they were raptured...but then I was confused as to why they weren't apparently wearing pants when they were...

Anyways on to wls-related things. Today was a day surrounded by food I couldn't eat as I went to my aunt's for my nephew's 10th birthday! He was quite excited about hitting double digits. It went better than I thought. I did smell the burgers my uncle cooked out on the grill but wasn't tempted by them. I brought over protein, a cup of soup and a sf chocolate pudding for when everyone had cake. Speaking of my protein, I ended up going to back to GNC and getting more Green Tea Isopure. I tried to do the protein shakes I had gotten from wal-mart pre-op, but wouldn't you know it.... I found them repulsive (I almost puked) as well as I found it hard to keep the carbs at level I wanted.

So right now I am doing 1-2 bottles of Isopure per day, 1 cup of soup, and maybe a sf pudding if I feel like it. That would put me at roughly 37 carbs , and 40-80 grams of protein. Once I hit soft foods next week I plan to incorporate tuna, ricotta and the like and maybe have 1 isopure a day. I got the gold card at GNC so that when I get them it is a little cheaper. For now I really like them and I am a creature of habit. I rather be able to have some soup and some pudding right now without it blowing up the amount of carbs I take in.

Physically I am feeling nearly back to normal except that my larger incision is still kind of achey and red. It doesn't appear to be infected and I have kept it clean. I am a slow healer so this doesn't surprise me. The rest of them are just scabbed now and no pain. I am ready to get more physically active so slightly frustrated I need to wait about 3 more weeks. I suppose though I can just keep increasing walking and maybe try out some exercises on EA Active 2.0 on easy mode. I need to find my workout sneakers though first and foremost.

That's all for now, 1 more day being at home and then I return to the office! Excited to see some of my work buddies. Also I recieved the report back regarding my background and credit check for the other job and it looks like all things should be a go for me to start that on June 1st. I am pretty excited about it, though now we have to get Robert's car fixed because juggling one car is going to be impossible as my hours will completely clash with his. We also now need to figure out a system for when he gets home so that Lainey doesn't bark while I am on a call. (That will get me fired.).

Any good sound-proofing ideas? :)

The Post Op Excitement Continues

I know, I know! I am in the honeymoon stage with my sleeve. It is fine I am enjoying it and staying compliant. Keeping an eye on my intake and all that jazz. Now that I feel better able to drink stuff I am getting a bit more protein in. About 80 grams a day...and WOW has it made a difference. Or at least I think it has.

Today I am sitting pretty at 246.8lbs! I can see the 230's in the not so far distance! When I was on Medifast, that was actually where I started my Medifast journey...at 230.

So hey, at least I will have gotten rid of the 42 lbs over that I had gained over that number. I added another ticker to my progress page so yo can see my total loss as well as my loss since the surgery.

Today starts my full liquids! YAYYYY! I had a chocolate protein shake this morning, which with nonfat milk puts me at 34 gm of protein already. I plan on having a blended cup of soup (if I can eat the whole cup, if not I will save some for later) for lunch and another shake tonight. I should be close to if not at 80 grams of protein for the day. My carbs will be around 52 for the day, which is pretty much like my pre op diet I suppose and a lil higher than I'd like, but it's only for this week. That should be fine, right? Once I move to soft foods I think it will be a bit easier to cut out carbs and keep them around 30 a day.

I got a blender at wal-mart last night... a knock off magic bullet called the rocket blender. So far so good and it has multiple cups etc. My only complaint is that the storage lids are not water tight :( It would have been nice to be able to make a shake in the morning and one for lunch since I return to work Monday. Alas maybe I will just bring in soup for lunch. and do the shake at night.

Also I have a new addition to our household. I had been planning on getting a pet snake for a while now but Robert didn't want me getting it til after surgery because if something happened, he was freaked out at the thought of having to take care of it. So I got her this week.
Meet Harley Quinn (named after the villainess on Batman!) She is a hatchling hypomelanistic corn snake and is about 17 inches long! Sorry if you don't like reptiles or snakes...but she is actually pretty sweet and great being handled. I fell in love with her colors at first site. She is my "I got through the surgery like a big girl" reward I suppose.

Also another exciting revelation happened this week. I got a phone call from another work at home call center type job that they wanted to interview me. The interview went great and pending my credit check meeting their requirements (since I will be handling credit cards and payments etc) I am going to be employed by them part time. They pay hourly and there isn't any selling involved so this is a much better opportunity than the other work from home job I have been doing. I get paid regardless of if I get a call and they even offer benefits. If they are better than my current job I may have to switch over. I already know they have a matching 401k where my full time job doesn't. (lame I know...)

So...wish me luck...send me some good vibes and hope that I am able to meet their credit requirements!I am pretty excited about it but trying not to get my hopes up. I am pretty sure I should be fine but...not positive lol.

What A Week!

Wow, I am already one week post-op! I can't believe it. And what's the grand total for the week?

8.4 lbs Down!

Not too shabby at all! Add in that I have in fact lost inches and feel just less fluffy in general and its been a good week. I am going to try and up my protein to see if I can't do a little bit more this week! Almost out of my clear liquids...YAY!!!!!! I am so ready for some cream of chicken soup or even just a protein shake. I will probably go get a single serve blender from wal-mart tomorrow.

So this past week I have been drinking liquid Isopure. Some people love it, some people hate it, and some just tolerate it. I personally found a flavor I love! GREEN TEA! It is so yum! To me, anyways, it reminds me a little of Arizona Green Tea. The other flavors I got, it was a chore trying to drink the whole bottle. Having the green tea flavor yesterday I had gotten in 40 grams before noon!

I am returning the last 2 of the other flavor for green tea either today or tomorrow. I can see even down the line ordering a case of the green tea and having them here and there when I am on the go. Zero carb and a yummy way to get in your protein. I have some other stuff to share but I will save that for another post so this one doesn't get too long. See you all tomorrow!

Drop Dead Diva

At first this show slightly annoyed me. Some of the usual "fat girl habits" that the main character has in the show to me at least seemed a bit over-dramatic and really pushed the whole stereotypical view of obese people. However I like the actress that plays the main character so I have still been watching the first season on Netflix here and there.

Finally this show gave me something aside from the awesome actress that plays Jane Bingum. I was watching Episode 9: The Dress. In this episode Jane finds a gorgeous dress in a magazine like Vogue and decides since she is a lawyer and makes enough she wants to buy it. When she goes into the clothing store they only carry up to size 10...Jane is a size 16. Have we not all been there?? You see something gorgeous on the rack and search with hope that your size is somewhere in that rack--only to be sorely dissappointed. That is sucky enough!

But what happens to Jane after that really hits home. They ask a store clerk if there is any larger sizes of the dress elsewhere in the store and the clerk rather rudely says "the dress isnt meant for her silhouette" another clerk also suggests she go to one of the bargain outlet type places to find something with an empire waist. When Jane asks "Are you asking me to leave?" the women smirks and says "also have a good day."

OMG I wanted to slap the bitch! Being treated like that is something I think a lot of us could relate to. Maybe I wasn't kicked out of a clothing store before, but I was certainly treated like I was less important than someone else of a smaller size than me. Of course because its a show, ultimately Jane gets the store to realize they are discriminating AND cutting off a big portion of women as most are not size 10 and under. Unfortunately that does not usually happen in real life, does it?

I am so glad I had this surgery but I have realized that I never should have been ashamed of myself regardless of my size. I never should have let anyone else make me feel ashamed of myself. I am making a pact to myself, and to other obese individuals like myself that I will never be ashamed of, or forget the woman I am right now, even when my size is under a 10.

In fact here are some reasons why I am so awesome the way I am right now!

1- I have pretty brown eyes! They look especially sexy with blue and purple eye make up!

2- I am a pretty darn good writer! One day I will have a book published...

3- I am artistic and creative.

4- I can be very comedic and do pretty good impressions of others.

5- I can dance...big or small I can shake my ass!

6- I look awesome with short hair--not everyone can pull that off!

7- Even at a heavier weight I have nice leg muscles

8- I have sexy full lips

9- I am well-known for my big boobs

10- I am caring, loving, and loyal. I am always willing to give people a chance.

So yeah... I am loving me today. Tell me what you love about you! I wanna know!

My Surgery Trip Montage!

Finally got a chance to put together a video of the pics and vids from our trip. Thought it would give some of you a good idea of what to expect etc and how everything looks!

My leak check

I thought you all would want to check out my leak check since I got a dvd copy of it. Short vid but you can see the sleeve and no leaks! I am back home now, so now the real recovery starts. So happy to be home with my animals and the hubby. So glad Madi came with me as I don't think I would have gone through with it by myself. She helped me a lot the whole trip.

Omeprazole and Me

So I noticed after a bit my new sleevie likes to act up. I would be doing my thing, sipping slowly, and taking breaks when I need to. But then BOOM chest feels like there is pressure. No matter what it won't go away. Finally I decided to take some of my acid reducer my dr gave me. Sure enough almost instant relief.

I havent been able to sleep and I felt hungry so I had half a syntrax nectar (leaving the rest for breakfast). Sure enough its been a good 12 hours since I last had my omeprazole and there is that same tightness. Again its gone nearly instantly after taking it.

This sleeve thing... definitely is a learning in progress type deal. You really can't explain things until you are on that side and then its like OHHHH thats how that feels etc.

I still can't sleep and the people in the room next to us are strumming a guitar and singing. I don't mind it at all, its actually pretty and soothing. Might just lull me back to bed. I suppose its a fitting end to my trip to Tijuana Mexico hehe. (reminded me of something el mariachi plays in desperado).

Loving The Sleeved Life...

So now that we are out of the hospital I figured it would be a good time to write a bit more about the last few days. So after quite a bit of traveling, from Orlando to LAX then to San Diego, we were picked up by Alberto the driver and taken into Tijuana. They were running behind so I didn't go straight to the hospital. Instead my coordinator took me to her hotel room , so I got to see the hotel I would be at today.

The hotel is very nice and comfortable, though admittedly I am having trouble getting comfy to take a nap.

Anyways, So finally they were ready for me. I get taken to the INT Hospital, am prepped for surgery and get all my pre-op testing done. After they finish testing, I was left in my room with Madi to wait while they got results back and prepped everything else. I broke down and cried, feeling bad that I have gotten to this point of needing the surgery to begin with. (This is normal I think though). Dr. Rodriguez came in and was so nice and kind and put my at ease.

Shortly after, the anesthesiologist came in and talked to me, then it was off to surgery. Surgery went well according to the Dr and was very text book procedure. When I came to though I was nauseated and in pain and quite fussy with everyone, though honestly I don't remember most of this. The next day however was much better. I still needed pain and nausea meds but I could walk around just fine and felt much better. I have since been tolerating first ice chips then fluids quite well. Later that day they did my barium swallow and it came out successful , no leaks!

Last night I had some trouble sleeping but overall any pain or discomfort was handled quickly by the staff. Today they released me and I am now at the hotel relaxing. Madi is finally getting sleep on a decent bed instead of the little bench they have in your room. I am feeling very upbeat and happy I did this today. I feel like I did the right thing for myself and have no gained some power back over my life. It won't always feel easy I am sure, but I think that this was the best decision I made for my life right now.

I have uploaded pics from both the hospital and the drive into TJ on flickr, so you can check them out here.

Reporting from the Other Side

Well I got sleeved yesterday, later in the afternoon. Last night was pretty rough for me. Didn't throw up, but felt like I would. Today has been better. I still have some gas pain but am getting there... walking lots, doing my breathing exercise, taking my gas-x strips annnd I got my cup of ice chips. Though honestly I am not feeling hungry at all.

Will give a bigger update probably from the hotel tomorrow. So far so good.

Heading to the Airport!

About to leave for the airport now! See you all on the sleeved side!

As one of my OH buddies posted for me :

Going to Mexico

And I’m gonna get sleeved

Going to Mexico

And I’m gonna get sleeved

Gee I really love life

And I’m gonna get sleeved

Going to Mexico with love

Spring is here (ooo-ooo-ooo)

The sky is blue (sky is blue)

Birds all sing (oh the birds all sing)

Like they do (yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah)

Today's the day (wah-hooo-oooo)

I'll say "I do" (ooo-oooo)

And I'll never be obese anymore

Because I’m

Going to Mexico

And I’m gonna get sleeved

Going to Mexico

And I’m gonna get sleeved

Gee I really love life

And I’m gonna get sleeved

Going to Mexico with love

Bells will ring (ri-ii-iing) (bells will ring)

The sun will shine (hey hey hey yeah) (the sun will shine)

I'll be hers (yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah) (I'll be hers)

And she'll be mine (oh oh oh oh oh oh oh) (and she'll be mine)

We'll love until (we'll love until) (hey hey hey) (we'll love until)

The end of time (ooo hooo) (the end of time)

And I'll never be obese anymore

Because I’m

Going to Mexico

And I’m gonna get sleeved

Going to Mexico

And I’m gonna get sleeved

My Support System

Me, Robert, and Madi in Seattle

As my final pre-op days are dwindling down, I find myself thinking about the awesome people that have been there for me pre op and are going to be there post-op and I feel pretty blessed.

There is Robert, my husband, whom has always wanted for me to feel good about myself, and to be healthy. He has been and always was a big supporter of me in everything that I do. I know he wants me to succeed at whatever I try and is one of my biggest cheerleaders. Plenty times he has let his wants take a backseat over things I want or need. I am going to find a way to make this up to him. He is amazing.

Then Madi, she is the bestest friend I could ask for, she not once has been judgemental of me and is always supportive. We have fun and laugh together and when I'm upset she is there to listen to me. She puts everyone else first, including me (which sometimes drives me nuts lol). I couldn't be more happy to have her be able to come with me to Mexico. I know If I am feeling like shit, she will be sure to help me out or at least hold my hand. I know I could get through surgery on my own, but I am glad I don't have to. I am so grateful to have her in my life.

Michele, another amazing friend of mine that can knit up anything and everything and has always been supportive of me regardless of what I was doing. She is very happy for me getting the surgery, she even helped us out when money was tight and we had to expedite and upgrade Madi's passport, just so I didn't have to go alone. I wish she didn't live so far away, but that doesn't stop us from being such great friends. I plan to visit her when she moves even FURTHER away, from South Dakota to Oregon and get my knit on with her.

Dana and Chris, They are sitting at my house right now with Madi, waiting for me to get off work so they can visit with me one last time before the big surgery. I have known dana for sooo many years now, as well as her boyfriend, and they are family to me. I love them and they are awesome. Of my local friends, they live the furthest away, yet they seem to be the ones that visit us the most. That speaks volumes, especially with how much gas is. Dana is already excited about the thought of buying clothes in similar sizes :).

My MOMMY! Although she is worried, she is very happy for me and can't wait to see me lose. I am hoping in a couple years once she gets on Medicare, maybe she can get the surgery too. I love my mom, and despite our differences we have at times, that's never changed.

I have several co-workers that know about my surgery. I am not embarrassed by the fact I am having surgery. Nor should I be. Not one of them has been negative about it. As I get ready to leave them for a week and a half they all excited to see me when I get back and watch me shrink as the months go by lol. One of them today told me her and I need to have our last pow wow (chatting about the surgery) before I leave tomorrow.

And finally but not least by any means are my followers, on here and on youtube. I know some of you are a few steps ahead of me, others are a few steps behind...and some are right where I am. Either way I love reading your posts, I love reading your comments and I love the fact that we are able to find people we can relate to thanks to places like obesity help and blogspot and youtube.

Despite some family being very worried and against me going, even they are supportive in some way. But even so , reading back through what I just wrote I have a really awesome support system already. To everyone, thanks!

Om nom nom

So Mother's day went well. Saw my mother and my one aunt (that hasn't really been on me about this surgery), as well as my brother, uncle, niece and my 2 nephews. Nobody talked about my surgery aside from asking when I left and my brother saying he would worry about me until I was home. It was a nice and laid back day with the family, then an equally relaxing evening at home with Robert and Madi.

I got the last bit of stuff I would need for my liquid diet. Makes me giggle that our whole grocery bill for the week (including a big bag of rachel ray dog food for Lainey Dog and a bag of Iams for the kitties) came to less than 50 bucks! I am doing mainly shakes these last 2 days just due to being busy. I might have chicken tomorrow night but meh. I am kind of sick of chicken. At least I had steak at my aunt's yesterday. THAT was yummy and instead of ketchup or BBQ sauce I put a bit of salsa on it! So good and way less carbs.

Now to get through the next 28 work hours without going nuts.

Big Changes

What do you think of the new look of the blog? I need to take out that flower petal bit in the banner but otherwise I am pretty happy with how it came out. I thought as I am getting ready to go into surgery--- a big change in my life-- why not change things up on the blog as well? l am decent when it comes to photoshop skills.

I am currently at work. It is quiet and there are not many people here. I was hoping the laptop they are lending me for the week after surgery would be done already so I could just do this from home today. Oh well. Going to see the family after work one last time before Mexico. I know they are still very much freaked out, but not sure if I will deal with any more drama from them today. I am hoping not.

I have been pretty good about water the past few days, and in preparation for surgery I have been upping it further. Yep! I went and got a new Hangover Part 2 Super big gulp cup lol. My brother actually looks and acts a lot like Zach Galifinakis' character so... I HAD to get the cup. Not to mention one of those cups is roughtly half a day's water. My goal right now is 3 of these (roughly 132 oz of water and half my weight in oz). Also doing my best to avoid soda. It's time for me to say goodbye. I have been avoiding it.

Nearly everything I need to pack is packed. I am ready to go for the most part. I am hesitant to leave my husband for 4 days, as that's the longest we will have ever been apart. (I know I am a baby...sue me!). He can be hard to read sometimes so I am not sure how he is feeling during all of this but amidst all the excitement I don't want to push side any of his thoughts and worries.

The other night he said something that came off mean. He and I both had a rough day and I just wanted to be able to cuddle up to him. I said "we only have a few more days til I am leaving and having major surgery that does have some risks involved." He told me "But its still an elective procedure", which yes is definitely true...but in some ways I feel like no...actually it isn't because each day I stay the same...or worse GET BIGGER, my health only worsens. He has seen me on some of my worst days. He knows how horrible I can feel sometimes. So when he said that and it came off very non-chalant, it hurt my feelings.

As I always do, I closed up and went and laid down on the couch and just got very quiet. We talked about it later and he explained he meant that "he knows I'll do fine and he isn't worried". Okay...thats more acceptable. I am glad if he has faith that things will be alright and I will come through surgery just fine. I have that belief too, and I feel that if you fill your head with positivity like that, sometimes it can help tremendously.

Still though I am going to be sad when I have to say goodbye at the airport. I love him so much. Through all these changes I may go through over the next year, I am dearly afraid that our relationship may be one of those things. At the very least I hope that whatever changes come to my marriage are good ones. He has been very supportive and very loving... I don't want to lose that in the mist of finding myself.

Magical BBQ

First off I did not cheat! I counted in the carbs for my dinner last night. I got pulled pork and chicken from Sonny's last night, but instead of getting bread etc, i got broccoli and green beans. My weight hadn't been moving since last Tuesday, and I was a tad bummed because I have really been trying to hit 10 lbs down before surgery. Well I dropped 1 more lb since yesterday hehe..

so...magical bbq

Just kidding...but seriously!

Will be posting my last pre op vlog shortly (it is uploading now). Today was the only free time I had. I also did all my measurements today and need to do pre op pics here shortly. I think I will just do those the day of surgery though.

Ran to the bank and got the money etc out that I will need for Mexico, so I will be packing just about everything today (with the exception of my toothbrush pretty much.) I don't know that this all has truly sunk in yet... it still feels like a dream. I can't even fathom the changes that will take place for me over the next year. It is truly truly exciting and I feel very lucky to have been afforded this chance to turn things around.

I swear to you this is not meant to be melodramatic, but the day I found out my financing was approved for surgery, was a day I realized I had hope again. Maria off of OH (her blog is Formerly Fluffy) made a great post a few days back asking :

"Did obesity cause you to give up on dreams?"

Simply put yes.

I gave up on dance classes that I loved

I gave up on going horseback riding again

I gave up on ever looking good in clothes.

I gave up on enjoying the beaches anymore

I gave up on feeling truly beautiful

I gave up on myself.

Although none of this feels real right now I feel like I have gained some hope back and some of my old dreams may ressurrect themselves. I feel like this year is finally the year I truly become me and spread my wings.

I will take back my health

I will let myself feel beautiful.

I will enjoy trying on clothes again

I will go to the beach

I will let my creativity overflow

I will create something beautiful.

I will fall in love with myself after 26 long years.

What about you? What will you do after surgery? If post-op, what good things have you done for yourself? What dreams will you rekindle?

Crunch Time

It is getting so close! I am getting excited...but at the same time I don't think it has fully registered that this is really happening. I don't know that it will until we board our plane either lol. I am beyond relieved that Madi received her passport yesterday! Granted it still sucks we had to shell out extra money when after we had done everything needed to get it before now...but shit happens.

The scale isn't budging.... in fact it went up a pound. I am not sweating it at this point. I did cheat once and had Taco bell (the day all hell broke loose regarding the passport, Monday or Tuesday I believe). I have been back on track since, and felt terrible about doing it...but that day was just horrible. I spent most of it crying.

Not too many days to go now. Sadly I don't get much of a break until then. I work tomorrow from home for 3 hours, sunday at work for 12, then Monday and Tuesday I am working 14 hours at work. That way I get in all my hours for the week. I am not looking forward to those days. Tomorrow after I work I am heading to the bank to get the cashier's check (my bank does them for free, YAY!) and money for tipping the driver, incidentals, food for Madi etc), then washing the stuff I am packing, and getting my bag nearly packed so I don't need to think too much about it when I get home exhausted on Tuesday night.

Not too much else going on in my neck of the woods right now. After surgery I may post a quick update just to say everything went well and possibly a youtube vid. Depends on the wifi at the hospital in all. I am probably doing one more pre-op vid as well tomorrow.

That's all

This needs to be said....

More passport drama has risen it's ugly head on the horizon. Hopefully we have avoided me going alone, but yesterday this was a real possibility. About 182 dollars later, Madi's passport SHOULD get here before we leave. Sadly I still can't say that it will be here for sure... what can I say? Sometimes you luck out and get your passport without issue, within 1 month. Other times you are just not so lucky.

So I am writing this post for the latter group. If you are having surgery in another country, this post is for you. I am even sticking this in the resources tab as I feel this is so important.

So first and foremost, IF you are seriously thinking of surgery in Mexico (or any other country for that matter) but have not made any plans, I would suggest you get your passports NOW. Don't wait. If you are researching doctors and looking at financing etc, get your passport NOW and whoever is coming with you's passport...NOW.

Just so we are clear... GET YOUR PASSPORT AS SOON AS YOU CAN!
DO NOT go by the "average processing times" listed online. If something comes up, and they feel that you need to be singled out and provide further info, this resets that processing time. This makes 4-6 weeks turn into 12 weeks.

GET THE BOOK & EXPEDITE! I thought that getting the passport cards would be the easiest thing. They were perfect as we are being driven into Mexico. Well mine came, no sweat, right in mid-March. Even after submitting her app within the proper amount of time, AND THEN submitting the additional documentation with OVERNIGHT shipping...Madi has no passport card still and has been told that the passport card WILL NOT get here before we leave. FYI too, they cannot expedite those. Get the book, expedite (they give those priority...because its all about the $$$ unfortunately). It may cost more but hopefully you will have less headaches.

If you are like us, and didn't order the passport book, and did not expedite, but are dealing with the strong possibility of NO passport... within 14 days of your travel date CALL the National Passport Information Center. You can upgrade to a passport book and expedite after the fact. Just be prepared to pay for it. We had to pay approximately $182...as soon as it is processed (within 5 business days..but often i hear they can be a little bit quicker), it will be overnighted.

If you are having fears that it will not get here in time, or if you have received communications stating they need further information, I would NOT HESITATE to contact your local congressman or state rep. They many times can at the very least get more people looking into where your passport is and have staff members that handle this type of thing daily.

You can look up your local officials by zip code, here.

When writing your letter, be polite, be professional. Here is a guide to writing them.

Finally, DO NOT GIVE UP! Keep calling the National Passport Information Center.

Keep checking your status here.

TO CALL:

From the United States: 1-877-487-2778 TDD/TTY: 1-888-874-7793

Automated Passport Information is available 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Speak with a representative Monday-Friday, 8 a.m. to 10 p.m., EST, excluding federal holidays.

EMAIL THEM HERE!

If you are facing any issues with getting a passport for either you or your companion I sincerely hope this helps you! If anyone else has more tips PLEASE FEEL FREE TO LEAVE THEM IN THE COMMENTS!

<3

Jenn

***************UPDATE!!!!***************

We recieved Madi's passport this morning! 24 hours after upgrading to expedited passport book! SUCCESS...well minus having to spend a crapload more :(

I'm Jenneye the Sailor Girl!

First and foremost I was going to wait to say this til tomorrow since tomorrow will be 1 week since I started the pre-op diet, but
I'm down below 260!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 259.6 lbs to be exact....but nonetheless still awesome!

That is a total loss of 6 lbs since I started my pre-op diet (I was 265.6 lbs last Tuesday). Let's see if we can't add a little more, hehehe. The only downer is that my engagement ring STILL won't come off my finger. I'd hate to get it cut off....but its looking that way. At least my wedding band seems like it has a fighting chance of coming off. Will probably head to a jeweler's on Friday. *sigh* I had my uncle try and take it off...he is a strong guy. He made me hold my finger in ice cold water til it felt like it was going to fall off, then sudsed it up with dish soap...and nothing...

This weekend was pretty nice and relaxing. I didn't do my work at home job this weekend because next weekend is going to be hell...right up until the day I leave . ( 12 + hours shifts for 3 days). Sunday afternoon I went to my aunt's house and hung out with my mom, nephews, aunt, uncle, and my big brother. My aunt had a little outburst when I was talking to my mom about following the pre-op diet, (the usual "why dont you just eat like that and NOT have surgery!?" reaction A LOT of people get), but other than that things were fine.

I think most my family has moved from being completely against it to just being concerned about the surgery itself and curious about what it all entails. My aunt and I were actually talking about how they cut the part of the stomach off and I explained to her about the staple gun and how it shoots off 3 rows of staples on either side as it simultaneously cuts. Like me, the technicalities of how surgeries are actually done is intriguing to her. I think she also liked the fact that I could tell her approximately how many Sleeve surgeries my surgeon has done and the fact that at least some of his training was in the US. (YEAHHHH... DROPPIN THE KNOWLEDGE BOMB!)

Finally I have to say that I LOVE the Myfitnesspal app on my android phone. I have been keeping track religiously of my food and been very compliant. I had been feeling great (after the first couple days) but then this morning i felt just horrible (weak, shaky, nauseated). I thought to look at my last few days of food logs and noticed one big difference. I barely got any iron in over the weekend. The days I had spinach the night before with dinner I had felt awesome. I also got in about 70% of the RDI (recommended daily intake of iron). Coincidence? I think not! Whenever I used to get my period (pre- Mirena days) I would get to feeling the same way and my flow was very heavy. I think at least until I get to eating food again I am going to look into taking iron supplements.

Apparently I am like Popeye, since eating spinach made me feel better and more energetic.

This also makes me wonder if Popeye had an iron-deficiency....hmmm

I am probably going to get full labs done 3 months post-op and then keep going from there regarding supplementation. I just thought it pretty cool that since I'd been using that app I could actually visualize what is actually in my diet and why it may be effecting my body the way it is.

Also I can't wait to get home and eats me spinach! (I promise I won't try and squeeze the can and catch it mid-air in true popeye style though...that would just make a mess)