Sunday, May 8, 2011
What do you think of the new look of the blog? I need to take out that flower petal bit in the banner but otherwise I am pretty happy with how it came out. I thought as I am getting ready to go into surgery--- a big change in my life-- why not change things up on the blog as well? l am decent when it comes to photoshop skills.
I am currently at work. It is quiet and there are not many people here. I was hoping the laptop they are lending me for the week after surgery would be done already so I could just do this from home today. Oh well. Going to see the family after work one last time before Mexico. I know they are still very much freaked out, but not sure if I will deal with any more drama from them today. I am hoping not.
I have been pretty good about water the past few days, and in preparation for surgery I have been upping it further. Yep! I went and got a new Hangover Part 2 Super big gulp cup lol. My brother actually looks and acts a lot like Zach Galifinakis' character so... I HAD to get the cup. Not to mention one of those cups is roughtly half a day's water. My goal right now is 3 of these (roughly 132 oz of water and half my weight in oz). Also doing my best to avoid soda. It's time for me to say goodbye. I have been avoiding it.
Nearly everything I need to pack is packed. I am ready to go for the most part. I am hesitant to leave my husband for 4 days, as that's the longest we will have ever been apart. (I know I am a baby...sue me!). He can be hard to read sometimes so I am not sure how he is feeling during all of this but amidst all the excitement I don't want to push side any of his thoughts and worries.
The other night he said something that came off mean. He and I both had a rough day and I just wanted to be able to cuddle up to him. I said "we only have a few more days til I am leaving and having major surgery that does have some risks involved." He told me "But its still an elective procedure", which yes is definitely true...but in some ways I feel like no...actually it isn't because each day I stay the same...or worse GET BIGGER, my health only worsens. He has seen me on some of my worst days. He knows how horrible I can feel sometimes. So when he said that and it came off very non-chalant, it hurt my feelings.
As I always do, I closed up and went and laid down on the couch and just got very quiet. We talked about it later and he explained he meant that "he knows I'll do fine and he isn't worried". Okay...thats more acceptable. I am glad if he has faith that things will be alright and I will come through surgery just fine. I have that belief too, and I feel that if you fill your head with positivity like that, sometimes it can help tremendously.
Still though I am going to be sad when I have to say goodbye at the airport. I love him so much. Through all these changes I may go through over the next year, I am dearly afraid that our relationship may be one of those things. At the very least I hope that whatever changes come to my marriage are good ones. He has been very supportive and very loving... I don't want to lose that in the mist of finding myself.