Monday, May 23, 2011

Downer Day


That's how I feel today. Slightly moody. Maybe like everyone says its just hormones being released from the fat they were previously trapped in. Also I am back in the office today and while I am happy to see most people here I just feel annoyed by others. No negative surgery comments however which is nice.

I wish I could go back home though. I guess since I can't eat away these feelings any longer I am going to try and take a relaxing walk tonight once the sun goes down so it isn't too hot out. The heat really makes my incisions itchy and irritated.

I have other stuff on my mind too, like a horrible stupid dream I had the other night that just kind of messed with me a little too much and hit close to home. Also I didn't mention (because I was in a good mood and didn't want to talk about it) but on saturday I got into a minor car accident. Thank Goodness I didnt get ticketed...the cop must have been in a good mood. And the people are willing to work with me instead of going through insurance (my car got wayyyyy more damage anyways -_- ). But nonetheless still sucks. I guess I am off my island of solitude and the real world is hitting full force and I just don't want to deal with it right now.

Anyways..things will work out...they always do. At the very least I keep telling myself that and things really do seem to have a way of working out if I put in a little effort. I got my credit check back and everything looks good for me to start the second there is that...

but now comes the next hurdle. Getting Robert's car fixed and making sure there is a way for me to keep lainey from barking while I am working. My uncle gave me some ideas to sound proof my home office for less and I will probably invest in a better noise canceling headset. But it all takes money.

That's all for now. Just breathing, making myself drink my protein and water, and reminding myself that what I am going through is probably a normal part of this process. I did my make up today and painted my nails last night, so trying to tell myself today that I look very pretty. People at work have been saying they can already see a big difference. For me looking in the mirror I may as well be in a fun house because some days I see it and some days I really don't.


FreeJulie said...

Don't discount the hormones being stored in fat cells and being released. I kind of pooh-pooh'd it, but when it it happened to me and I realized how much it was affecting me...well, it's a real thing! Keep toughing it out, it gets better.

Jenn said...

Thanks Julie, I think everything just piled up a bit and that didn't help lol. In fact I got my first period in a long time this past weekend so definitely hormones are being released lol.

Sheila said...

Hang in there Jenn! You are doing good to realize that you can't eat away your emotions, and subbing a walk is a GREAT idea. New coping skills is what we all have had to learn...not always fun, but certainly healthier.

Jenn said...

Sheila, I didn't think about that, but it's true. I am not treating food as something that will make me feel better because lets face it, it wont! :) So out of all of this that bad crap happening is a big positive step for me.